So yesterday morning I was sitting at my desk when I received an early morning text from my favorite cousin, which is very normal. On most days, my cousin will send me something really silly to make me laugh but today it was a very serious question. "Hey what is the most romantic thing a guy has ever done for you?' Whoa. Okay let me think. . . . . So I pick up the phone and call him. First question "Okay why are you asking me this?' He explains his case. I say okay and proceed to think of some examples. Then I say, I don't think there has been anything really over the top but I can think of something that I thought was sweet that didn't include birthdays or valentines. I told him some things and he began to share the responses he had been receiving. One of his responses from a girl was, "He pulled out." O_o I am sure that was a joke. . . . at least I hope it was but it got me to thinking. Out of all the guys that I have dated, I could think of about 5 eh maybe 4 that were truly romantics. They actually put thought into trying to win me over and I'm not talking lavish gifts or expensive trips. I had to step back a say. . . "What happened to the romance?'
What has happened in the way that men and women interact that has lead to the ultimate demise or minimal amount of romance? Well I can think of a few things. In my good ole nerd fashion, I did a little research on the origin of romance and what it means. According to a source, romance was originated and had ties to chivalry. Hmmmm, well that explains A WHOLE LOT. So if you take chivalry out the picture, then the likelyhood that romance will occur greatly decreases.
I continued to read more definitions and try to get a hold of what and how romance developed. I found out that romance actually started because back in medieval times most marriages were arranged, so when people began to break away from that they started to experience the "adventure of love". I continued to sift through and looking at associated words and articles. I came up on a word that I hardly hear anymore. . . . . courtship. Now, I am beginning to see the problem.
I spoke with a friend of mine about the issue and we both agree that one of the reasons that romance has decreased amongst our culture has a lot to do with our goals in relationships. I am holding both men and women responsible for this epidemic, because romance does works both ways. If all we are doing is trying to find someone who can survive our checklist and meet up to our superficial standards, then we will definitely miss out on the romance.
Most of us, have no clue of what it means to truly court someone. This is sad but very true. Ask yourself, why do you date? What exactly are you looking for in a mate? Are you even looking for a mate or someone to just fulfill your "needs" at that moment? I mean if you don't start making some adjustments you may never truly experience what it is like to have a romantic relationship.
Let me make this clear, ahem: THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP AND AN INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP! Some of you are probably sitting there trying to figure that out and I'm sure that you will catch it tomorrow.
I am going to point out the pink elephant in the room. . . . We focus entirely too much on the sexual side of our relationship with a person. Yeah I said it and you know I am telling the truth. I understand that it is important in a relationship but at the end of the day IT WILL NOT SAVE A RELATIONSHIP (and you can take that to the bank and cash it).
Some may want to know why you don't see romance too often, ask yourself if you demand it. Ladies, WE ARE THE PRIZE. The point of courtship is to win us over. He can't do that if you don't give him an opportunity to because we are so enamored by what he as to offer and not what he is actually doing (and yes I am speaking from experience).
Men, for the love of God approach women that you actually want something from and not just for the conquest. Whether a woman says it or not she wants to be romanced. I strongly believe that one of the main reasons why relationships are failing across the world is because we don't appreciate or respect the nature of being able to have a working relationship with someone.
I honestly believe there are some guys out there that are dying to sweep a woman off her feet and there are definitely some women that are looking for a knight in shining honor. We can do better!! Don't allow such a wonderful experience to become something foreign or ancient to generations to come.
