Who's the Master?

I think it is truly amazing how easily we as a society have given so much power to everything around us than we give to ourselves.  We allow media and the people around us to dictate the way we think, the way we act, the way we dress, the way we talk, the way respond to every day dealings yet we refuse to give ourselves the power to control our own lives.  Many of you will say, “I’m not like that”, but I beg to differ.  When was the last time you owned what someone else thought of you?  Need a little help:  Someone told you that you were too small so you tried to gain weight, someone told you that they liked long hair so you got extensions, the media told you that some over priced shoe was the new look and you bought five pairs . . . . I could give maybe a thousand different examples but I am sure at this point you get the picture. 

What I wonder is why do we allow these things to dictate our life?  Ever wondered how simpler your life would be if you chose not to life up to other people’s standards?  Truth is the very standards that they set for you in most cases are not the ones that they set for themselves.  The unfortunate thing is that most people do not stop to take that into consideration and chose to listen to everyone else.  What happened to having your own mind, your own frame of thinking and your own standards of living?  Ever consider the idea of just being happy with yourself and not allowing what other people think or say cause you to make unnecessary changes and choices that do not cater to your needs.

If there is something about you that needs to be changed let it be what YOU want to change about yourself.  I remember one thing that my brother would always say, “People are always quick to tell you what to do but they will not offer you any support to do it.”  When you take this into consideration, it will make the idea of owning what others say appear less appealing.  Another thing to remember is this, at the end of the day “what you eat, doesn’t make someone else poop” which basically means that your reality is not someone else’s reality.  Even though what you chose may receive a little judgment ask yourself “Who cares?”  You have to do what makes you happy, live for yourself and design your own destiny.  If you have been living your life according to what other people say, I dare you to become the master of your life.

Blame Game (Post HipHop and Religion Discussion)

Everyone  has some sort of issue that they are faced with everyday.  No matter what your position, your stature, your demographic, your history, etcetera there is some "issue" that you must overcome at some point.  In some cases, individuals address the "issue" head on and accept responsibility.  These individuals understand that the choices they make are fueled by their own thoughts and desires.  They do not seek out or try to find fault in anyone or anything else.  They find fault in themselves in regards to the choices that they make.  
On the other hand, there are individuals who seek an outlet, a source to place blame for the choices that they make in life.  When the path they have chosen is dark or unsavory they find ways to remove responsibility from themselves and place it on something, someone or some circumstance in their life. 
What's interesting about this is how easily people can remove accountability for their actions.  In addition, how easily they can use the influences as a reason behind the choices that they make and forget the fact that influences do NOT make choices.  PEOPLE MAKE CHOICES.  Each individual has been given they ability to use their freedom of choice and when they make decisions that are not fruitful they should identify the ultimate determining factor. (In case you missed it. . . YOU).
It puzzles me how two people can be put into the same circumstances, introduced to similar influences and seemingly limited options, but one will choose a path that is promising and the other will choose a more self-destructive path.  Where is the determining factor or the variable that causes the difference in choices? According to some people, when a person makes bad decisions he/she is guided by the negative influences to MAKE these unsavory or bad decisions.  So if this statement is valid, how do you explain those individuals who use the same negative stimuli to forge a positive outcome?
One reason that people make bad decisions has something to do with fear.  The fear of failing is an extremely motivating factor in making choices.  The only thing that music, films, or society in general do to really move our choices in negative directions is present the simplicity and acceptance of certain behaviors.  In some people's minds, the idea of selling drugs or sex is much simpler than getting an education or starting your own business.  The level of acceptance or support that a person receive can also strongly pushes a person's mind into making certain decisions. The fear of not being accepted by friends, family or society may force you to play small  Harvesting other people's ideas of you and making them your own thoughts which is the beginning of an inevitable self destructive path.
The first step to making better choices is to first realize that nothing/no one can force you to make a decision.  We have more power than we are willing to give ourselves credit.  No matter the circumstances, you have the opportunity to make whatever choice you want to make.  You are the only person that is responsible for your decisions.  When you reach the point in your life where you are conscious of your actions then you become responsible for the decisions that you make.  Do not allow yourself to believe or accept that you have to do something that you ultimately know is wrong.  In all honesty, you can do what ever you want to do if you are determined.  If it is that important to you, then you will find a way to get it accomplished. 


In closing I leave you all with this, according to "Psychopathy and the Five-Factor Model of Personality" , Pyschopaths "rationalize their behavior, blame someone else, or deny it outright."  So ask yourself, are you ready to accept the responsibility of the choices that you make or are you read to blame someone/something else?  Don't kid yourself, quit finding excuses for your actions, stop playing the BLAME GAME. . . . . . 

Boycotting the Expectation

So as I was having a moment the other day, I was thinking about the idea life and how much it went against what was expected of me.  I began to reflect on all the decisions that I have made in my life that were based on what everyone expected of me.  I am sure I could write an entire trilogy and have short stories to spare about these decisions. One of the biggest choices I made that directly affects me is my career choice.
I am currently a cog in a major Fortune 500 company.  I currently work in a lab where I test samples day in and day out.  Nothing exciting nor challenging about it, but it pays the bill.  Do not confuse this as complaining, I am very blessed. I think I am more enticed by the income than I am by the actual job.  Sadly enough, that is how I view my current occupation--a job.  Unfortunately for me, I have not come up with a clear and precise course of action.  The interesting thing is unlike so many people living in America, I am exactly where I said I would be. Where I chose to be.  I can very clearly remember saying that my goal was to go to school so I could get a job working for a major Oil and Gas company.  Which was a far cry from what I originally interested in as far as careers were concerned.  So now here I am fulfilling the very expectation that I set for myself based on what everyone else expected of me.
I remember statements like, "Danielle, you are so smart.  You can do anything you want to do." Now understand by "anything" they meant specifically doctor, engineer, lawyer or some other course of professional and highly paid position.  Mind you, I explored each of these occupations and I chose to pursue a degree in Chemistry based solely of the fact that I liked it in high school and I knew I was smart enough to do it.  Now do not get me wrong, I do like chemistry and I do enjoy understanding new concepts but I am sure that if I knew what I know now I would have made some different choices.  So where does this leave me now?  Now after achieving this goal of mine, I am forced with the choice of leaving it behind to pursue something far more fulfilling.  But I bet you are wondering, "So why not just do it?".  But ladies and gentlemen, therein lies the rub.  We have made a full circle now of following the expectation. I chose this career based on the expectation and if I leave it I would be going against the expectation.
What's interesting about this train of thought is when do I start to do what I expect of myself.  It must be an interesting thing to not take what other people (mainly family) into consideration when making decisions.  I often think of who I may let down or disappoint, but to maintain this expectation requires a price that I am not willing to pay the piper.  So now I am faced with the task of just taking the first step towards living up to my OWN expectations.  At the end of the day. . . they were absolutely right I am smart.  I can do anything I want to.
So if you did not get the point, let me spell it out BOYCOTT THE EXPECTATION!

Mind > Heart

It's an interesting thing when the mind takes over and I begin to rationalize something that my mind can not even begin to fathom. Mainly because I try to delegate matters of the heart to the mind and my mind is not in a position to make the those kind of decisions. You see I made the effort to align the thoughts in a streamline trajectory and hit what I thought was the appropriate target. He seemed to be everything I needed and if I gave it time then he would become everything I wanted. When the truth of the matter is that my mind made a choice my heart had dismissed sometime ago.

I wonder though if my heart was the one that wasn't mature enough to govern. Like a ruler coming to the throne before his time. Perhaps I needed more time to grow and realize that my heart was the very force contradicting and negating the process of making an adequate decision. This inability to make an appropriate resolution is a ground for destruction. Mixed emotion and mixed thoughts leads to an untimely and unprecedented amount of uncertainty. I was mislead and in a place where I needed to find the right orientation.

What if all these times I thought I had found love was me actually being in love with the idea of me and him? What if the standard that I set, was the very model my heart had become familiar? So in all actuality, my mind had the right away in this moment because my heart had been influenced by fake mechanisms and now was tainted with faux expectations. My previous experiences had lead me to believe that LOVE was something different, something more guided by what I felt and I am sure I am not the only one. Now I am forced to give my mind the right to govern and allow my heart the time to reach its full potential.

For a heart that is not ready to make decisions to satisfy the soul should be given a moment to rest until ready. The truth is that the heart can decide that which may not be best for all parties involved and the mind will continuously combat. When I can get the equation to be MIND = HEART on selections then I'll spend my days allowing them to grow together. So the next time I make a choice, I don't have throw someone else into my fray and potentially leave them scarred. For a scarred soul is the most interesting encounter. . . . . they rationalize all occurrences and never give their heart a chance to grow or make a decision with or without their mind. At the end of the day, I choose to do what I do because I do not desire to be responsible for the conception of another soul who chooses MIND > HEART

Commercialization leads to Desensitization

I refuse to become one of those women who conforms to what society has deemed to be credible in the eyes of those before me. I am an individual streaming with creativity and substance beyond this realm of so called reality. Why is that we chose to lead these lifestyles according to what someone else says or what someone else thinks? Why do we chose to lead these lifestyles based on the income and what outcome may brink?

On the horizon I see far beyond what these individuals would like me to think or believe. This is my reality. . . . . The reality where my God has whispered to me great dreams that will come into fruition before I close my eyes and journey to my resting place. I have faith and believe that as time passes all the things that I need will come to be without the longing or the asking. I realize in my life that reaching for things that are not within the realm of what God longs for me to recieve is not the answer to life's riddle. Reaching for God and allowing Him to bring that which will give me peace is the only way to truly find this "pursuit of happiness".

I am unsure of how long my epiphany will take to reach the hearts of so many who are lost and do not understand where to turn next. Or the one's who follow these "leaders" in society who only know of the world and what they can get from it. I pray that in time they will pull back the "veil" that hinders their sight and see the vision that He has in store for them.

How do you reach this point of clarity? It is not a very easy journey and it does take more time for one person than it does the next. The turns that you will have to take can lead you from 0 degrees to 180 degrees. You will find themselves alone at times and surrounded my many the next. You will have to detach the umbulical cord to the world that you once nestled so near to for most of your life and become attached to a spiritual life.

In this life you can find a peace that surpasses anything that you could imagine. You will be amazed at the lifestyle you once strayed from, found less enticing, seemingly uncomfortable to be the life that you wish you had all along. In that moment, you will see exactly what peace looks like.

Unfortunately, our biggest problem is not that achieving this moment of clarity is so difficult of a transcendence. Our problem lies in the nature of that which is more comfortable and that which we are conditioned to recognize more readily as a "norm" or the accepted life. Why is that we long to be accepted? Some of you relate this accepted to respected or held at high esteem. But what should it matter what you have of this world? Be it the admiration of your peers, be it the wealth of the land, be it the power or control you have grown to believe you have. . . . . . when you reach your final resting place these are things that will not depart with you.

All you have is today. Why should tomorrow matter when you can not readily grasp nor obtain the minutes or hours that have not come into existence? What happens then these plans that you make and the steps that you follow to reach what you have become conditioned to believe is "the way" do not seem to go the way you expected? Perhaps, the inevitable breakdown of your reality.

When the truth of the matter is that my reality is not your reality nor the reality that has been created and televised for your viewer's discretion. You must first determine the true definition of success before you can even begin to take the first step towards seizing your destiny.

My success lies in my ability to affect change in the way most needed. For a life void of lending assistance and guidance to those lost on the path trying to discover life and its truth, is not much of a life at least not in my eyes. When you close your eyes at the end of the day what can you say about your life?

Was it spent chasing after selfish ambitions? Perhaps chasing someone else's dream or expectation? Or maybe you have spent your days wallowing in self-pity and confusion accepting the reality that has been handed to you?

When the truth of the matter is life is what you make it and what they sell as the "american dream" does not have to be purchased and is returnable. In my travels, I have learned that what is expected of me by man is not nearly what is expected of me by my Father. To continue to acknowledge and reach for that pipe dream that has been pawned to so many of my brothers and sisters is not my idea of life.

At the end of the day, no matter what we are dealt and what may feel like an absolute does not exclude you from making a choice to live TODAY in this moment. To choose not serve these idols that have been given to us so freely. Do not choose to be a sheep amongst the wolves.

Mistrust

Its an interesting place to be when you find yourself wrestling doubts and insecurities. Its one thing to deal with yourself and all your idiosyncrasies, but a totally different thing to deal with someone else and the potential danger they could bring. Its like hearing a knock at the door and not checking the peephole to see who may be on the other side. Its dark on the other side and the only way to find out who is really there is by taking a chance to get to see them at true face value. When you have found a way to move through this life without having to give someone the benefit and enough rope that they don't choke the life out of you. "Give em an inch and they will take a mile" but in this life the inches seem to serve more of a distance when you have to give them to someone else. "Don't put your trust in man. . . . " passed down from one generation to the next till it was so instilled in me that the roots are deep enough to move the foundation if disturbed. How can you make a choice to live with out relinquishing some of your thread? To travel through life you have to be able to depend on something or someone. You must trust that your encounters serve a purpose greater than your own mere existence. To some extent, your resistance to trust is somewhat selfish. How can someone move forward without forming a connection with you? In one fleeting second, a phrase, a movement, a gesture, a favor could make the difference between someone else finding life or death. Mistrust only leads to mistrust. Deception is real and I do not ask you to pretend that it is not. I merely ask you to take a chance, seize an opportunity, give a good word, offer a hand when you can because the truth of the matter is that you trust in something. Your very breath is proof of that. . . . we are connected in some way whether we choose to acknowledge it or not. We all depend on each other in some significant way or another. Fear is the choice that we make unconsciously or consciously. The idea of giving someone the room to disappoint you seems too much of a loss to bare. But I challenge you to show them another way, perhaps in that moment you will lead them into a light of losing the mistrust that has been breed inside his/her soul. Lead his/her life in a totally different direction affecting all those that he/she come into contact. Spreading like a virus until the world is cured of Mistrust.

The Lady in the Mask

Step right up and witness before your very eyes, something you have never ever seen. Something that has yet to be captured on screen or in photograph, the lady with the multi-faceted, prismatic mask that hides the bouquet of emotions, thoughts and characteristics. Not even the must cunning detective can correctly investigate her to determine the truth. . . . . .

In her loneliest moments, she wears a look of content. When her mind is puzzled, she can conceal her confusion with stern look of interest. "What's that you say? How am I today?" she responds with a gesture that could lead any woman or man to believe she is in control. When in reality, she is disguised in shades that will trick the common, human eye. She will say "I am fine" doubled with a affirming smile. But in all honesty she is close to tumbling like a stack of cards that would fold at the slightest whisper. She is a one straw away from completely shutting down and you would never see it coming or be able to explain how.

Why does she hide so, you wonder? Her strength, she believes, is in her deception. She sees no wrong because it's not to hurt anyone. . . . what she doesn't realize is that she is truly hurting herself. In her own existence, she has become a great magician, turning myth into reality, awing those around her with the talent she has developed and perfected. In her future, I see her rash reasoning becoming more and more frequent. . . . she will fade into the scenery, lose her very identity. . . concealing that which defines her. She is afraid because perception is reality and she would rather portray the fantasy.

Ask yourself as you look at your own reflection. . . . . . . . Am I the trickster? The unbelievably, prolific concealer? Turning faces into false cover-up and soft tones that can beguile the most clever. . . . . . . . . You must determine what you really want to choose. The Death of your spirit which is the inevitable or the Life of truth and transparency.